Party Time.

OK.
Whether you choose to believe me or not, I had a party last night.
No no no. Not just a party but a Party.
To be completely honest with you all, I was so fucking nervous. I mean, if it went horribly lame, I would be branded the loser who had the lame party. First World Problems, I know, but I'm just an Average Joe so more bad publicity would make me even less noticeable (or more, but not in the good way).
So first of all, I will tell you that it went alright. I think almost everyone showed up who said they would and the others told me later why they couldn't. Everyone told me they had a great time and it wasn't awkward at any moment.
There were however, some weird moments, some asshole-ish moments and some gross moments that I will tell you right now, serenaded by the party shouts from across the street. Like, seriously, there have been so many frat boy yells, I'm surprised noise control hasn't shown up.

1. Have I mentioned I have a dog. Well, I do. And like any dog, she poops outside in my yard where I didn't realize people would go. Well, they did and stepped in a poo without knowledge and walked around my deck in high heels so that tiny poo circles were spread around my deck. I had to break out the hose and water blast those bad boys which were extremely hard to get rid of, by the way, from the pressure of the heel. Awesome time that was.
2. I clearly told everyone that it was a bring your OWN drink party and about 5 people turned up expecting me to have provided alcohol for more than 40 people. I don't think so buddy. So because of their sheer stupidity, they stole other people's drinks and my vanilla essence. What!?! I guess they thought that they could get "wasted" by drinking it. Idiots. One of them even asked if an unopened bottle of Fanta on the counter was "already mixed..." Whatever, at least I was born with a brain. One point for me.
3. I had my closest friends stay over and I let them put their belongings in my room upstairs. I put up a sign at the bottom of the stairs saying "no go zone bitches." This did not stop people from going upstairs and having sex in the bathroom (or something like that. I didn't really ask for details) and stealing money from my friends' wallets. I consider this equal to a robbery. They trespassed into a place which they did not own, and were not aloud in and stole from me. Let's just say I know who I am not inviting next time.
4. So we were dancing and my friend fell. She ended up dislocating her knee and then snapping it back into place when she stood up. It started swelling and it probably hurt quite a bit but I'm not entirely sure because she was so drunk... Anyway, we ended up calling an ambulance and they came and told us that she would have to be on crutches for two weeks but because she snapped it back early on, it was not that bad.

Overall, the night was definitely super fun and I don't regret it but it had its weird moments, like any party. Man I'm tired........................
It Could Be Better

Hey World. How you doin'? That's good. Oh, me? Yeah... not so great.

OK.
Sorry world for not posting for almost three weeks! Bad. Bad. Bad. *Slaps wrist*
I have excuses though! I'm not just a lazy person. I'm not saying that I'm not a lazy person, that's just not all I am.
Like in my last post, I mentioned my stress levels rising. Let Us Just say that they have risen further. I know leaving no time for blogging isn't great because I made a stupid deal with myself that I would often (to make me feel like I can stick to something. And I have. I mean, I'm here aren't I?). I am prone to doing that. Just this week I made a bet with my friend, who I happened to tell about this blog so technically, I am not anonymous anymore. Awkward, I know. I tell some twisted shit on here. Anyway, we said that whoever got with a guy first, ... WAIT! We didn't have a prize! Dammit. Or maybe we did... (my memory suuucks).
Tangent, sorry.
So there's my excuse. One of them anyway.
Life is hard. I haven't lived for a huge amount of time but from what I have so far, my verdict: Fucking hard.


Check out this guy. Creepfest...

It Could Be Better

WWASCD. Done. Life Sorted.

OK.
First off, FUCK!
Man. I've been wanting to say that all week.
I feel so fucking stressed, like I'm losing my hair (funny, since there's not much to begin with).
Anyway, I have so much to worry about. To think about. Garrrr! I have like, 5 assignments due at the same time. I feel like the person who organised that schedule must have been aggressively stupid, or may have thought, "Hey. Wouldn't it be super funny to watch all of these worthless kids squirm by making all of these important hand in dates at the same time. Man, I love my job." Whoever invented work was a reeeal a-hole.
Like my scarily accurate catch phrase, "Why Can't We Just Live Like Sophisticated Cavemen," why do we even need work in the first place.
If you are ever stuck in life, just say to yourself, "What would a Sophisticated Caveman do?" Works every time. It's kind of scary actually.
"Aw man, I just missed my bus." WWASCD. Walk, you lazy bastard.
"Aw man, my cake didn't rise." WWASCD. Eat it anyway. It's cake. What does it matter?
"Aw man, I didn't get a clear photo of that dolphin." WWASCD. Well did it get a clear photo of you?
I mean, right.

(The awkward moment when I didn't actually make this myself and found it on Google images... Who does that?)
It Could Be Better